April 2016

What Am I Doing?

First off, I want to start by apologizing to my faithful readers. I have ignored your comments, I have avoided writing, and I have stopped all connections with my blog. I was wrong to do that. But, in all honesty, I am truly glad I did. These last few months have been insane for me. And being away from my blog gave me so much time to think. There was something specific I was trying to think about. But I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t seem to put it together in my head.

But when I finally figured it out, (after I got over my writer’s block) I was finally able to get back on to my blog and remember why I started doing this in the first place. So thank you, for continuing to read my blog and my nonsense writing.

If you’re wondering what I was thinking about. I will tell you.
My mind has been an ever proliferating cloud of destruction and questions.

The biggest one being:

What am I doing?

Silly, simple question right? WRONG. This has been the biggest question during my time away from you. I have constantly asked myself, what am I doing. I don’t know if this is any worse than the people that are going through the “Who am I?” stage. But I feel like it’s pretty darn close.

Through my time away from you guys, I have came to a huge realization.

Life is soooooooo short.

Too short to not do the things that we want to do. Go to the places we want to go. Help the people that need help. Laugh the laughs that we need to laugh.

And the crazy part is that I already knew this. I constantly tell my friends this. I constantly tell unhappy people this.

We live everyday like there’s many days left, when in reality there isn’t. We don’t do the things that make us happy, the things that matter, the things that count. We don’t do the things that we will look back on when we’re in our death bed, and say, “that was an amazing moment”.

We live in conformity. We live in comfort. With routines (which I am all for routines). With unhappiness. With the same thing over and over and over again.

Get out of your comfort zone, do the things you love to do. Enjoy your life, enjoy the people around you that care about you. Stop staring at your cellphone. Stop worrying about what you forgot to do at work earlier today. Stop not taking trips. Stop stressing about the little things, like how you forgot to buy black socks. Geez! Just wear your blue and green sock! Stop feeling embarrassed about something that happened weeks ago. Stop giving up. Stop trying to be perfect. Stop letting peoples view of you stop you from doing what you want to do. Stop judging other people! Stop being so negative! Stop forgetting to breathe.

Go on that hike you’ve been talking about for weeks. Plan that trip to the island you’ve been trying to go visit and save up for it! Breathe fresh air. Laugh with your friends. Be positive. Pay it forward to the person getting coffee behind you at Starbucks. Compliment the lady at the toll booth. Pray for the people you care about. Visit a sick friend! Text someone you miss terribly, and find out how they are doing. Smile at the security guard at work. Go on long walks and look at the stars. Enjoy this planet while you’re here, it’s truly something beautiful. Wake up early on an off day and watch the sunrise. Help a homeless person. Volunteer and spread love! Go out and have fun dancing. Try new foods. Visit new places! Do something that makes your nervous. Spread good vibes. Be happy. Because life is too short, and we want to enjoy it.

I realize, that we let the fear of silly things control us and take us over. And that’s not what I want to be doing. That’s not who I want to be. When did we lose our imagination? When did we lose our connections with each other? When did we become so afraid to love, and to show compassion? I realized I slowly started to become that person. One that is so afraid to do anything. When I used to be the girl who wasn’t afraid of anything! And, I don’t want to lose myself in that charade.

I wasn’t writing about things I truly wanted to write about because I was afraid of what people would truly think. I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do because I cared too much about everyone else’s opinion. But since when did I ever care? Why did people start becoming so judgmental in the first place? We are who we are, and we are humans. Don’t let the fear of striking out, keep you from winning the game. 

I love you guys,